Three Things To Be Glad About (List)

1. God Is Alive
 
He just get his annual checkup and the doctor say 'good stuff.' I am kidding about the doctor, of course: God does not need one because he is eternal and loving and drinks plenty of milk. But he is up there, out there, in his heaven, listening to the radio and watching over you. The next time you feel alone don't let it happen.
 

2. Candy in the vestibule
 
It is getting closer to trick or treat time and my way of saying boo is by putting mini-Mounds & Almond Joy in the window of the church. Take a handful! I was going to put the snickers bar but I am allergic to nougat. (Kids: ask mom and dad before taking a candy ;)
 

3. You are loved
 
Never forget that. You are loved not just by God but by me as well. The reason for this is you are all my sisters & brothers in Christ... we are all in this together. Remember Galatians 3:28 "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus." And please stop with the water pistols during mass.

Let us pray...

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Hondo & the Fanny Pack (Sermon)

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Do you know where you’re going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Do you know the way to San Jose? Are you going to Scarborough Fair? 

These are all good questions. But the right question doesn’t come from a pop music. The right question is: Do I have God in my heart and love in my soul? And is there room for Jesus? 

Did I tell you I bought a puppy to help with the loneliness? He is a very sweet dalmatian and I name him Hondo. The other day I took him for his very first walk. I thought that I was safe in my unitard & fanny pack but I wasn’t out five minutes before a group of young teens drive up to me on a golf cart. They threw their cans of Diet Mountain Dew at me and tease me for the clothes I wear. One of them jump off the cart and kick Hondo, who is too young and small to defend himself. It was cruelty. Do I have the right to wear a fanny pack and walk my dog? Not in Texas. 

When the kids were driving away I shouted Bible verses after them so that they might think of what they done and feel remorse and come back and help me dry off. “Pleasant words are as honeycomb, sweet to the soul and health to the bones! Proverbs 16:24!” I am not sure they heard my words because they were laughing and singing to wild scary music. 

This made me think of a very good question: how many of us are unable to hear God’s words because we are laughing, because we are content and self-righteous? How many of us feel we don’t need religion in our lives, or that salvation is a joke? Only through humility can these things be found. 

If those teenagers had been more humble they would not have knocked me down or cursed me for being different. They would not have had to speed away with their music blasting. They might have gotten to know me and found a new friend... they might have enjoyed playing with Hondo. They might have heard the construction vehicle that plow into their golf cart and kill two of them while maiming the other three. 

So as you can see it is important to know in what direction you are headed, for it will better help you see the dangers that lie around you. Do you know where you’re going to? 

Hondo do. 

Let us pray... 

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God's Pasta (Spaghetti Dinner)

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If you came to church last Sunday you know that I am especially happy. Why? Because of God’s love. Also last week’s spaghetti dinner was a wonderful success. How did this idea come from? It was your very own Gook Preacher who created it.

Two months ago at the potluck social many of my parishioners were outraged to see that I had brought Kong Gooksu, a Korean noodle dish made with soybean, sesame seeds & somen. I was pelted with noodle, soybean, and race-filled epithets. I laugh and say: “noodle is just Korean for spaghetti.”

Potluck impossible

So to make up for my ethnic fumble I decided to hold a Spaghetti Social at the church last Friday night. All the teenagers and children from the church were invited to gobble spaghetti and sing hymns on my recorder and play Christian Twister. It is just like regular Twister except no touching.

In a strange “twist,” none of the teenagers of the community showed up, except for one fellow who was stupefied on chicken-beer and kept asking if he was at Funderland. (I loaded him immediately into the ambulance & left a stern voice mail on his step-mom’s work cell.)

Everything else about the evening was marvelous, and watching people enjoy the spaghetti I understood God’s presence and the necessity of wet-naps.

Officer Bulkbeaf say: "Second-helpings, please!"

Paula Pignolti love to help + it count toward her Community Service

A delicious time was had by all!

These two fellows were always up to hijinks!

Jackie Mello looks stylish even though she had her period

These people! (I never got their name)

Historic meeting

Yumm! And delicious!

As you can see everybody had a wonderful evening and fantastic spaghetti. When it was over little 5 year-old Amanda Poplar come over to me and say, "Gook Preacher you make the bestest spaghetti."

I laugh and tell her, "No, God make the spaghetti. I just make it taste good." Let us pray...

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Troubled Marriage (Star Wars)

Perhaps the toughest part of my job is counseling married couples when their marriage has hit the difficult part of the road, the part of the road with road signs that say “Loose Gravel, “Divided Highway,” and “Merge Immediately Now.”

Merging is a difficult.

Oftentimes I take these troubled couples for a walk on the church grounds, where there is nature, and where I have a boom box which is playing Toni Braxton, because hearts really can be unbroken if you have the right tools. Like a boom box playing Toni Braxton and other tools. Out on the grass we see God's presence in the sunshine, the blue sky, and the picnic table. I often compare a troubled marriage to the major-motion picture "Star Wars." 

Frequently on these emotional strolls the wife will break down in tears. Then the husband will follow suit and break down in tears as well. Inspired by the deep movement, I break down in tears so that no one can see me crying. The following is an excerpt of dialogue from my most recent marriage hike:

Kevlin The Husband: I don't like you, Gook Preacher, and being counseled by a Japanee goes against every fiber of my being, but it sure is a beautiful day and I enjoy the boom box playing Toni Braxton.

Jane The Wife: Why don’t you tell the yellow reverend the truth? That you cheat on me.

GP: Infidelity. The word conjures up many-

KEVLIN: Tell Johnny Egg Roll why I have to cheat- she won’t give me pie!!! That’s right- I can’t sex my own wife! She’s frigid!

GP: The Bible teaches us that-

JANE: Why don’t you tell Year of the Monkey just who you’ve been banging? Katy! Our thirteen year-old daughter!

GP: Children are a blessing, a gift from God-

KEVLIN: At least Katy turns over and leaves her BACK DOOR UNLOCKED!!!

JANE: I hope you fall off a rafter on the site and get crushed by a bulldozer hanging off a crane! Did I mention he’s a construction worker?

KEVLIN: May you never know the joy of sodomy!

JANE: I hate you and the shriveled prunes you call testicles!

KEVLIN: Your chocolate chip cookies were always burnt! Every time!

GP: The Apostles spoke about finding common ground-

KEVLIN: Never! Gook Preacher- you’re intolerably substandard. And I won’t have no gook preacher trying to save my marriage!

JANE: Me neither! You smell like crab Rangoon. And I HATE Toni Braxton!

Jane and Kevlin stormed off after that, to their separate apartments and respective lovers. Was I successful in saving their marriage? It depends on your point of view. After the divorce they both tell me on separate occasions that I was "crucial," so I take it as a moral success. Every one of God's children deserves the warmth and companionship of marriage. Except homosexuals. Let us pray...

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