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| 12 angry peoples |
As you know many of my parishioners been complaining about the state of the Church: slipshod kneelers that break when you kneel on them, bowls of holy water that leak, and stale Communion wafers. In an effort to provide the very best for my flock I schedule an emergency meeting of the Church Council to request funds for improvements. Here is the transcript:
FRANCINE SCHUTZER: I’d like to begin this meeting by stating for the record my objection to having an Asian preacher at the Grace Community Church. Kwan Choi is a human abomination by any standards and in my opinion should be jettisoned into the farthest reaches of unforgiving, ice-cold sub-space, his molecules scattered across the farthest reaches of-
HENRY FUGLIP: In the interest of time, I move we let Gook Preacher explain himself.
GP: Thank you. I will keep this brief, ladies and gentleman: I need ten thousand dollars to repair my church and replace the exploding toilets.
PAULA PIGNOLTI: Request denied. Meeting adjourned.
GP: Yes, but-
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| "I been cold busted" |
BISHOP BUFORD: Assbasket: what part of ‘meeting adjourned’ don’t you understand?
GP: But, I would like to explain-
HENRY FUGLIP: Don’t make me call security.
GP: Alright! We will have it your way. I will accept this loss. But remember what the Bible says: “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Romans 12:19. This will not be forgotten.
And so that is why in my sermon this week, when you hear me request donations of wood, nails & other supplies to improve our Church it is not because I did not try… I am just trying to give my parish the best of everything, because that is what they deserve. And if anyone has a titanium-reinforced unbreakable toilet please see me in the rectory. Let us pray…
In order to try and bring improvement to the Grace Community Church I installed a Complaint Box at the back of the rectory. It is a bin where I can learn what things upset the parishioners without them shouting it in my ear. Let’s open up the box, shall we? Open it with me.
That one was a concise! Some people think I ramble on but the word of the Lord is there in my words. The budget is not satisfactory to obtain pyrotechnics or other such visual delights. And the one time I try that the Fire Department was very disapproving.
Well that was almost a sentence. I know, the kneeling pedestals are in disarray throughout the church as they are old and wooden, and very few families have taken my suggestion of wearing kneepads to mass. This is a good one. I am going to ask the Church Council if we might have the funds to repair the damaged kneelers. After all if Jesus is a carpenter I can certainly be a carpenter’s apprentice! Or at least the fellow with the plywood.
Let’s move along.
It is heartening to know that there are people who cannot get enough of the Ten Commandments. Many people laugh at them & consider them outdated practices, but I will tell you they are valuable. The one which I consider the most important: ‘Thou Shall Not Worship False Idols.” How many of us are guilty of elevating athletes & musicians to the status of gods? The true God is bigger than any basketball player and more powerful than any guitarist… and so is the god inside of you.
Typo
Obviously we have a comedy man in the midst of our church. I hope he establishes some good laughs on the stage & offers them up to God.
This could be from so many peoples. The point is we have shared our common complaints and alleviated our pressures… I will get to work on the issue of the broken kneelers. In the meantime, please do not kill the homeless, no matter how great the temptation. Let us pray…
