My Fight with the Church Council (Argument)

12 angry peoples

As you know many of my parishioners been complaining about the state of the Church: slipshod kneelers that break when you kneel on them, bowls of holy water that leak, and stale Communion wafers. In an effort to provide the very best for my flock I schedule an emergency meeting of the Church Council to request funds for improvements. Here is the transcript:

FRANCINE SCHUTZER: I’d like to begin this meeting by stating for the record my objection to having an Asian preacher at the Grace Community Church. Kwan Choi is a human abomination by any standards and in my opinion should be jettisoned into the farthest reaches of unforgiving, ice-cold sub-space, his molecules scattered across the farthest reaches of-

HENRY FUGLIP: In the interest of time, I move we let Gook Preacher explain himself.

GP: Thank you. I will keep this brief, ladies and gentleman: I need ten thousand dollars to repair my church and replace the exploding toilets.

PAULA PIGNOLTI: Request denied. Meeting adjourned.

GP: Yes, but-

"I been cold busted"

BISHOP BUFORD: Assbasket: what part of ‘meeting adjourned’ don’t you understand?

GP: But, I would like to explain-

HENRY FUGLIP: Don’t make me call security.

GP: Alright! We will have it your way. I will accept this loss. But remember what the Bible says: “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Romans 12:19. This will not be forgotten.

And so that is why in my sermon this week, when you hear me request donations of wood, nails & other supplies to improve our Church it is not because I did not try… I am just trying to give my parish the best of everything, because that is what they deserve. And if anyone has a titanium-reinforced unbreakable toilet please see me in the rectory. Let us pray…